Opening up…

I don't want my present and future to be defined by my past.

I have so many difficulties opening up right now.
I think a lot of it it's healed, other things are still healing up…
My dad's no longer an alcoholic. He works hard everyday and has learned so many things over the last few years.

Just recently, I gave him a forehead kiss after… probably a decade… and he later commented that he liked it as we were having dinner. Mom couldn't help it but to cry out of happiness.

I'm feeling so peaceful inside that it feels… weird, in a good sense, but weird… It's just a huge change. No annoying family. No shelters. No alcohol. No need for psychiatric medications. My sister's progress is immense… I can barely believe that she is having so much core strength, can move herself a bit on her own, it seems like she even understands when I'm talking to her — it's a completely different condition from before. Even just a year ago… it feels all so distant.

During this time I've been able to process:

• I didn't choose the situation in which I was born. Neither did both of my parents. They were both under different struggles and with families with… different priorities and survival needs.
• They've done and are doing their best… and even though it was their responsibility as parents… it's their first time alive. Both of their family circumstances were difficult growing up.
• It's also my first time, so I have to give myself the chance to acknowledge my past and use it as strength. And though it's not easy, I just have to keep moving…

I don't want to use my past as a sad story in which I'm victimizing or sounding like a “sorry me! have pity!” tone, either… I like writing. A lot. I've been advised directly and indirectly to go this way since speaking to a camera is just a huge mess for me. I want to do video format, but now… this is the best way it comes out.

I have so many goals and projects that I want to do, and so many of them are thanks to my family, this country I'm living in, and the people that have positively influenced me. For that reason, one of the first projects that I want to share is The Learning Strategy System — with everything I'm sharing, I just want to give back what I've been able to learn and accomplish to see way past beyond what I could've under other circumstances.

During the next few weeks, I'll share more about how my parents helped me while I was bullied at school and what you could do if your child is under those circumstances — things I wish I could've done before dropping out of college and prior to that, documentaries and video essays I've watched, and other related things.